Stress Education Center - Dstress.com Newsletter

"Dedicated to serving by providing information, products, and services to create awareness and then offer control of stress and the process of change."

In this issue:

1. Introduction and Welcome

2. Stress Management Tip of the Month: Deep Relaxation Guided Exercise

3. Communication and Stress: Part I

4. Article: Exercise and Stress Management

5. Products of the Month: Controlling Panic/Anxiety #205 CD

6. Thank you

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1. Introduction of the Stress Education Center's - Dstress.com Newsletter

A special thank you to all the new readers who have signed up to receive our newsletter. This is our 21st newsletter and I hope that it will be of service to you.

October, 2003 Bulletin:
Due to the large amount of stress in the world, I wish to RECALL all back issues of the Stress Education Center's newsletter. Obviously, the newsletter has not been able to solve all the problems with stress and so must be RECALLED due to its lack of effectiveness. From now on, Arnold, the TERMINATOR, will control all world stress. His now famous quote, "If stress does not depart, I'll be back!" I repeat. This is a TOTAL RECALL.

Ridiculous isn't it. Well I currently live in California, on the "left" coast, and we have a certain image to maintain. Californians care about the rest of the world and wish to be so absurd that everyone else in the world can have a good laugh and be glad that they are not having to live through this soap opera.

For those of you who are Californians, take a deep breath, smile or laugh, relax your jaw and shoulders, try not to take this too seriously.

For those of you who are not Californians, take a deep breath, laugh, and enjoy all the silliness. We Californians do this for you.

Just remember, we all have the Holidaze to deal with. Yes, they are just around the corner.

By the way, thank you for all the positive feedback to the most recent newsletter, especially the temperature training biofeedback article. I also, received a lot of positive feedback to my September 11th message. We really appreciate your feedback and input.

As I requested in the most recent past newsletter:

Stop for a minute in whatever busy place you are, take one deep breath, relax your shoulders, your forehead, and your jaw. Put the news into perspective. React but do not over-react. Be present...enjoy the moment! And please, take good care of yourself.

As I requested in the most recent past newsletter:

Stop for a minute in whatever busy place you are, take one deep breath, relax your shoulders, your forehead, and your jaw. Put the news into perspective. React but do not over-react. Be present...enjoy the moment! And please, take good care of yourself.

Thanks for reading

L. John Mason, Ph.D.

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2. Stress Management Tip of the Month: Guided Deep Relaxation Exercise

The primitive survival mechanism known as the "Fight/Flight" response is built into every human. It responds to fear/danger from everything from life threatening situations to the alarm clock going off in the morning. Every human has a habitual response to stress that is either learned or genetically implanted. In a real life or death situation almost all of this response will be triggered by survival to help you to fight off or flee this danger.

The most effective thing that you can do to combat the negative symptoms of a stress filled life is to learn where you habitually hold your stress and develop the skill to "let go" of this stress. To do this, read the following exercise or make a recording of this technique and then listen to it 1-2 times daily. You will notice a positive change within 4-6 weeks. You will begin to develop your maximum stress management skills after 8-12 weeks of regular daily use. It does take time and it will save you time in the long term. Enjoy!

Begin the Guided Relaxation:

When you are ready to begin, start by getting yourself into a comfortable position in a space where you will not be unnecessarily disturbed, for about twenty minutes.

As you sit back or lie back more comfortably, check to see if your arms and legs are in a relaxed uncrossed position. Let your shoulders release tension and let your neck begin to relax by letting your head just sink back comfortably into the pillow or chair.

Check the muscles of your head and face, especially the muscles around your eyes, even your eye brows, and the muscles around your mouth, including your jaw and even your tongue.

Before we begin, let me remind you that I do not want you to try to relax too quickly. In fact, I do not want you to try to relax at all! Because without any effort you will be able drift as deeply into relaxation as you wish to go, by just letting go of stress, thoughts, and physical tensions.

To begin, start by taking three deep slow diaphragmatic breaths...pausing after you inhale, and then exhaling fully and completely. You might even imagine that as you exhale you can begin to release thoughts, tensions, even discomforts with the warm breath that you breathe out and away. (pause)

After these first three slow breaths, then continue to breathe slowly, but naturally. Perhaps you can feel yourself taking another step deeper into relaxation and comfort with every exhalation. As you breathe slowly and naturally, please turn your attention to the relaxation that may be beginning in your arms and down into your hands. If you look very carefully, you might feel a slight difference, where one of your arms might be just a bit more relaxed than the other. It might be just a subtle difference, but one arm might feel slightly heavier, as if the muscles in that arm were more loose or more flexible. Or perhaps, one arms feels slightly warmer, as if, blood and energy could flow more freely and easily all the way down that arm... as if it were flowing down, through wide open blood vessels, and slowly, but freely, pulsing down into the hand and fingers. (pause)

Or perhaps, both of your arms are equally relaxed, and that would be perfect as well. The only thing that matters is that you continue to breathe slowly and naturally, and perhaps you can begin to feel yourself drifting deeper into a dreamlike state where you can feel greater calmness and comfort, and where you begin to develop even greater awareness and control.

As you continue to breathe slowly and gently, perhaps you can begin to become aware of the relaxation that may be starting down into your legs and feet. If you were to look very carefully, you might become aware of a slight difference, where one of your legs might be a bit more relaxed than the other. You might also find that one leg feels slightly heavier, as if the muscles in that leg were more loose or flexible. Or perhaps, you may find that one leg feels slightly warmer, where the blood and energy can flow more freely and easily, all the way down that leg, through wide open blood vessels, and you may feel it slowly but freely pulsing down into your foot and toes. (pause)

Or perhaps, your legs feel equally relaxed, and that would be perfect also. The only thing that matters is that you continue to breathe slowly and gently, and allow yourself to drift deeper into this dreamlike state of calmness, comfort, and control.

Perhaps you can feel the control growing stronger as you feel yourself just beginning to sink back into what ever you are sitting or lying upon, as the tensions just begin to melt away.

Even the muscle of your back can begin to relax even better. You may feel the muscles of your back begin to soften or loosen as you slowly breathe away any unwanted tensions. The relaxation can begin to spread to the other muscles of your back, even spreading up into your upper back and your shoulders. Perhaps your shoulders can drop down into a more comfortable position. And you may feel the control growing stronger as you can begin to feel your head just sinking back, completely supported by the pillow or the chair, as your neck begins to relax even better. Even the muscles of your head and face can relax even better.

Perhaps you can imagine yourself as if you were outdoors on a warm and pleasant day. You imagine that you are standing near a pond of water, where the water is calm and clear, and the surface is smooth. You may even be able to feel the warmth of the sunlight or of the warm breezes... Perhaps you can imagine, that if you were to drop a rock or a stone into the water, you could watch as the waves or the ripples spread across the surface of the pond in every direction. And perhaps you can imagine that you can send soothing and cleansing waves of relaxation down from the top of your head, in every direction, to soothe, heal, and cleanse every muscle and cell of your body. You might imagine that these waves can begin to drift down to relax the muscle at the top and sides of your head... Or you might feel the waves drifting down to relax your forehead even better... letting it go calm and smooth.

The soothing waves of relaxation can wash down to relax the muscle around your mouth, even your jaw can loosen a bit better. The waves of relaxation can slowly spread down to soothe and relax the muscles of your neck and shoulders... and you may begin to feel them drifting down through your arms... slowly drifting all the way down... perhaps you can even feel the waves slowly pulsing down into your hands and fingers. (pause)

Or you can feel the waves slowly drifting down through your back and your chest... You may even feel that your breathing is more calm and regular... Or you may feel that your heartbeat is more calm and regular... As you breathe slowly and freely, you may even be able to feel your stomach and abdomen beginning to let go and to relax more freely. Your lower back and pelvic area can begin to relax even better... The waves of relaxation can begin to spread down your legs... slowly drifting all the way down and out through the bottom of your feet, or perhaps you can feel the waves of relaxation slowly pulsing down into your feet and toes...

Now, just as if you were watching this pond of water, it can once again become calm and still. The water can begin to settle, to become calm and clear. Even the surface can once again become calm and smooth. You may wish to turn away from the pond and to follow a pathway that takes you to a perfect place... a place where you can be by yourself, and feel calm and comfortable.

Once you arrive there, you can look around to find the most comfortable place to lay down. As you drift over to that spot, you just sink back into whatever you would be sitting or lying upon. As you settle back, perhaps you can even feel the warmth of the sunlight gently shining down on you. You can begin to soak up the warmth as the tensions just melt away. You may even be able to hear the sounds that may surround you. Like the sounds of running water, or the sounds of birds, or of the warm breezes. Perhaps you can even imagine that you can smell the fragrance of salt air, flowers, grass, or of the woods that may surround you.

Imagine that you can begin to soak up the warmth from the sun. Perhaps you can even imagine that you can begin to breathe in the sunlight and warmth. As you fill with this warming, healing light and energy, remember that as you relax, there will be an increase of blood flowing more freely and easily to every cell of your body. Every cell will be bathed in an increased supply of oxygen and nutrients. Every cell will be able to soak up the perfect amounts of these nutrients to help to heal and recharge each and every cell. As the cells begin to fill health and happiness, you can continue to drift in this peaceful state of calmness and relaxation... Though you remain calm and comfortable, perhaps you begin to see yourself healing fully and completely... You may even be able to see yourself in perfect health, smiling and celebrating in the sunshine on this warm and beautiful day. You may be able to see yourself being active, as if you were smiling, or playing, celebrating, or dancing...

Remember that every time you practice this exercise you will be able to get better at it. You will be able to relax more deeply and more completely. You will be able to let go more quickly. And the effects of the calmness and comfort will last longer, carrying over throughout your day, enabling you to be more calm and efficient with your available time and energy.

If you are using this exercise at bedtime, or if you wish to drift off to sleep now, then you can begin to do so. If you wish to drift off to sleep now, then continue to breathe slowly and gently, focus on the relaxation in your arms and your legs... and drift off into a deep and restful state of sleep where you will be able to rest fully and completely. When you awaken you will be fully rested and alert. So if you wish to drift off into sleep then you can do so.

If you wish to awaken now, then you can begin to do so.

If you wish to awaken now, then you can begin to see yourself returning to this room, bringing the feelings of calmness and comfort back with you to a more fully waking state. If you wish to awaken now, then you may wish to feel the bed or the chair beneath and slowly awaken, letting the feelings of calmness, comfort, health and joy return with you to a fully waking state.

If you wish to awaken now, you may wish to take a deep breath, letting the calmness, comfort, and relaxation return with you to a fully waking state. And you may wish to take another deep breath and stretch, becoming wide awake, feeling refreshed and alert.

Good luck and good health!

For information, audio stress management tapes, books, on-line stress management courses (a thermometer and audio tapes/CD's are included in the materials for this program), or coaching contact L. John Mason, Ph.D. through the Stress Education Center.

I have said this before and I will say this again... make time for your self-care. It will save you time in the long run. You will have a better quality of life, more energy, and you will be able to produce more! Try this relaxation approach for 8-12 weeks and let me know how it works for you.

For more tips on what you can do to get back in control of your responses when you are stressed, use the tips from the article "ten timely tips". These are very useful. Let me know what you think.

Along the way, do not forget to take good care of yourself!

Good Health!
L. John Mason, Ph.D.

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3. Communication and Stress

This is the first of a series of contributions regarding the impact of communication on organizational and personal stress. (Your input is welcome. Examples of issues and solutions are requested.) This is a revisit to this important topic.

Remember, the things that are the most stressful are the things that you care the most about but can not control!

Both at work and at home, it is difficult to avoid symptoms of stress and poor performance when there are problems with appropriate, effective communication. Relationships at work and home are challenged when one or both parties involved are not able to find good ways to express their: needs, desires, expectations, and requests. It is not enough to say these requests. You must also get feedback to find out if the communication was fully understood and agreed upon ("buy in" to avoid sabotage.)

Good communication is very complicated. That is why we will break this down into several articles.

Effective Communication involves:

1. Establishing rapport and appreciation of the diversity of "styles" of communication and the understanding of gender and cultural differences
2. Ability to listen (which is over 70% of communication)
3. Appropriate communication style, especially when an emotional issue surfaces
4. Getting clear feedback that an important communication is understood & agreement
5. Effective follow up to gauge success of communication including time of completion accountability

As you can see there is much more to effective communication than simply "speaking your piece." Poor use of these principles can be very expensive. Money and time can be lost. Trust and good will can be broken. Emotional walls can be created that interfere with future communication and progress toward important goals.

A little bit of effort in the beginning can really reduce problems in the future.

Let's begin with establishing rapport. Books have been written regarding the art of "connecting" with other people. NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) has explicit techniques for understanding the different "representational" systems that people use to communicate. The basics are: people use several systems within their central nervous systems (brain) to process information. The core of this communication pattern is often found in the function of one of your sensory systems. This creates a major tendency to process and then communicate in one of these systems. Commonly, people use visual, auditory, kinesthetic (feeling), or smell/taste systems. (The first three are the most common.) The conflict in styles of communication at this level can create problems in both communication and learning (processing information.)

Examples of this are as follows:

A "Visual" person speaks and processes information through visual pathways (sight.) They might say: "Do you see what I mean?" "It is not clear to me." "picture this"

An "Auditory" person speaks and processes information through auditory pathways (sound.) They might say: "Do you hear what I am saying?" "It does not sound right to me." "Listen to me." "Don't use that tone with me.

A "Kinesthetic" person speaks and processes information through feeling pathways. They might say: "Do you get a feel for what I am saying?" "It does not feel solid to me." "Get a sense of what I am feeling."

When people interact and they use differing representational systems, they might not fully appreciate or feel comfortable with their partner's communication style and build a wall which can prevent easy agreement and full alignment with the communication's outcome. Effective communication can require practice at identifying, then appreciating the other person's style, and then modifying your communication to fit more comfortably for your partner. This is one important way to establish rapport. Some "natural" communicators can do this unconsciously and without much effort. Most people have to work at this by really listening.

Other types of communication styles have been assessed and then demonstrated using models such as Meyers-Briggs or DISC. These models say that there are 4 main behavior styles that shape a person's style of how they go about getting things done. (More about this in future newsletters.) The bottomline is, if people have different styles and they do not fully understand how these function, they may have serious conflicts that will be barriers to success. DISC are initials for the four basic styles.

D is for Dominance
I is for Influence
S is for Steadiness
C is for Compliance

A person with strong characteristics in a certain style will behave and communicate in certain ways.

A high D will be direct, fast paced, forceful, demanding, innovative, decisive, combative, aggressive, and often short tempered.

A high I will be warm, demonstrative, trusting, sociable poised, optimistic, people oriented, a team player, and often persuasive.

A high S will be relaxed, passive, patient, possessive, predictable, steady, supportive, slow paced, loyal, good at listening, and resistive to change.

A high C will be driven by facts and details, cautious, exacting, neat, systematic, conventional, precise, high standards, logical, more fearful.

By identifying these tendencies in your communication partner can give you the upper hand if you are attempting to sell them on your vision and enlist them (and their powerful behaviors) in the success of your venture.

Books have also been written regarding differing gender styles and the influences of differing cultural backgrounds. Appreciating these, with sensitivity, can greatly enhance the success of a communications outcome.

In future newsletters we will examine other factors related to increasing your ability to be effective in communication. Your experiences and your questions will be appreciated. More in the future.....

Along the way, please take good care of yourself.

Send me your comments regarding what strategies you believe work for your self-care and how you most benefit from regular self-care practices.

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4. Article: Physical Exercise for Stress Management

I want to share some thoughts on the importance of regular physical exercise for health and stress management.

In fact, many people rely on physical activity, both sports and exercise, for their main commitment to stress management. This makes sense but may not be enough for a complete stress management program. First, let's discuss the role that exercise can play in managing stress.

The normal response to stress makes changes to the body by holding stress in the skeletal muscles, especially those muscles that would be used to fight or flee (see the first newsletter for complete list of the Flight/Fight Response.) Most people will hold some of their tension in these muscles and this can lead to difficulties with sleeping, headaches, neck and back pain, tight jaws (and dental problems), and loss of concentration (which can effect communication, learning, work performance, etc.) The body wants to run away or to fight the stressor. Physical activity through exercise can release the stress that you may be holding in these muscles. The movement can also help to create awareness regarding these muscle groups and then the use of these muscles will work off some of the stored tension. Remember: awareness is half the battle. If you are aware of tension and the specific muscle groups, you can release this tension. This is one reason that massage, body work or yoga can aid you in relief of muscle tension.

In addition to awareness, physical exercise can fatigue the muscles and force them to relax during your recovery time. In active progressive relaxation, which involves tensing and then releasing specific muscles for relaxation, the awareness and then fatigue of these specific muscles can work together for initial development of the relaxation process. Edmund Jacobson, who first described the benefits of active progressive relaxation, believed that creating this awareness and then the practice of relaxation was more than just simple physical relaxation. He stated that "there is no place for a tense mind in a relaxed body." This suggests that by relaxing the body would lead to relaxation of a tense or anxious mind.

The problem with sports as an activity for relaxation is that many people are very competitive and the relaxation may be reduced by the stress of wanting to perform at a high level. This is great as a distraction from work stress and can help you to get your consciousness to be more in the present moment which are both stress management techniques which have merit. But you probably know the golfer-bowler-tennis player that has broken a club or racquet or demonstrated some degree of competitive rage while engaged in their sport. This rage does not demonstrate healthy stress management. If you can enjoy yourself, without hurting yourself, then the sport can be a useful distraction to minimize daily stress.

If you wish to begin an exercise program follow these simple suggestions:

1. Check with your physician to determine if there are any limitations to getting started.
   
   
2. Start slowly... Do not hurt yourself by expecting too much too quickly. If you have not exercised for a while... begin a walking program. Start with a 5 minute walk every day for one week. Then increase by 5 minutes daily every week until you are walking 30-40 minutes per day. If this gets boring, you may want to add other forms of activity like bike riding, rowing, jumping rope, swimming, dancing, or an exercise class.
   
   
3. Make a commitment to regular activity/exercise. Put it on your schedule.
   
   
4. Getting an exercise partner can help with your commitment, but some people love to spend this time without company. It can also be a moving meditation if you exercise in safe environment.
   
   
5. Consider the investment in good shoes or appropriate clothes after you have tried your new exercise regimen for 2-4 weeks.
   
   
6. Do not go too fast or too long, too soon!

People require more than exercise for a balanced stress management program. Deep relaxations 15-20 minutes nearly daily are also strongly recommended. These are peaceful times of relaxation and recovery. These can take the place of up to two hours of sleep. These periods give energy and help enhance focus. Combined with a good diet and regular exercise these offer the best components of wellness program that help prevent stress related problems and can enhance the quality of your life.

If you require additional information regarding stress management or executive coaching, you can investigate the information available through the Stress Education Center's website at http://www.dstress.com.

Since 1978, the Stress Education Center has provided consulting and training services for individuals and organizations. The books, tapes, training seminars, on-line courses, and executive coaching have assisted thousands of motivated business people to improve their performance and enhance the quality of their lives.

I hope that this article offers you useful information.
Along the way, do not forget to take good care of yourself!

Good Health!
L. John Mason, Ph.D.